Hair… it’s hair today, gone tomorrow! Long, short, frizzy, wavy, or straight, hair comes in as many flavors as there are people in the world. Just look around you. Everywhair, you see that people treat their hair as one of the most visible forms of expression about who they are. In fact, hair is so important to some people that they spend a substantial amount of money getting it to look just the way they want.
Hair is also very interesting stuff. Did you know that the average person has 100,000 – 150,000 strands of hair and that on average, you shed around 50-150 strands of hair a day? That’s a LOT of hair. That should explain why there’s always hair in the bathroom sink, tub and floor! After bone marrow, hair is the next fastest growing tissue in the body. And if you’ve ever felt that you have more hair after a shower or swim, it’s because a healthy strand of hair can stretch up to 30% of its length when it’s wet.
Here’s more facts about hair. A new hair begins to grow as soon as it is plucked from its follicle. Talk about persistent! At different times, 90% of hair is growing, while the other 10% is resting. Also, a single hair has a lifespan of about up to five years.
As interesting as hair is, it’s also the subject of millions of puns, jokes and one liners. Just as we’ve seen some pretty hairy hairdos, we’ve also heard some really hairlarious puns and jokes about hair. So we thought we’d blow you away with our collection of hair puns, jokes and one liners that will shearly crack you up!
So hair we go … Hair Ye Hair Ye! Let the laughter begin! Hip Hip Hairay!
- Hairoscope – Mystical method of predicting bad hair days.
- Hairlarious – Really funny hair.
- Hairloom – Wig left down from generation to generation.
- Hairloween – Scary celebration where people wear wigs.
- Hairllo – How you greet a hairy person.
- Hairsay – Hairy person saying something that cannot be proven.
- Hairesy – Hairdo that is totally against normal hairdressing standards.
- Hairball – Where wigs go to dance.
- Hairycopter – Flying vehicle with wigs stuck in the propeller.
- Hairlibut – Type of hairy fish.
- Hairring – Another type of hairy fish.
- Hairlogen – Hairy chemical element.
- Hairdo – Opposite of hairdon’t.
- Hair Force – Military for hairy servicemen.
- Hairp – Stringed instrument plucked by angels.
- Hairppy – Cheerful hair.
- Hairmony – Orderly hair.
- Hairetage – Wigs with historical importance.
- Hairlucination – Bald man thinks he sees hair growing.
- Hairzard – Dangerous hair.
- Hairlines – How hairy people prefer to fly.
- Harassment – How frizzy hair feels being managed.
- Atmosphair – Fumes coming from hair spray and gel.
- Haircules – Ancient hero with strong hair.
- Hairbevore – Animal that only eats hair.
- Haireditary – Funny hair characteristic passed down generations.
- Hairo/Hairoine – Hairy person who saves the day.
- Millionhair – Very rich hairy person.
- Millionhair – Number of hairs on a hairy head.
- Ordinhairy – Just normal hair.
- Hairy Potter – Grown up Harry with moustache and beard.
- Hairy Styles – Little known musician who’s also a hairdresser.
- Hairibble – Really, really bad experience at the salon.
- Hairmone – Chemical substance in organisms that produce hair.
- Hairpenning – Lively vibrant hair!
- This salon looks familiar – I’m sure I’ve been hair before!
- Wow! That’s a big afro. Can you hair me?
- Hair Ye Hair Ye… this is a royal proclamation!
- When hairdressers chill, they read “The Hair And The Tortoise”.
- This is the moment. Right hair, right now!
- I went for a walk to the hair salon, I needed a breath of fresh hair.
- I saw a hairdresser running late. She just brushed out of her salon.
- I got a really awful hairdo. Thank god it’s not perm-anent.
- The Hairdresser Competition winner won hair and square!
- Many guys really couldn’t hair less about going bald.
- After the hairdresser school graduation, everyone shouted Hip Hip Hairay!
- The hair rejuvenation seminar was quite a hair raising event!
- Going bald is part of growing old… you know… hair today, gone tomorrow.
- Don’t worry, be hairppy!
- Darth Braider – Star Wars villain who did Princess Leia’s hair.
- Barber-que – Customers waiting for a haircut.
- Bald Facts – Truth told by a man with no hair.
- Shampoo – Fake poop.
- Frizzy Pop – Hairy drink.
- PhD – Professional Hair Dresser.
- Blonde moment – Temporary lapse of brain.
- Beachcombing – Activity that bald guys can still do with a comb.
- Frizzbee – A bee with static hair.
- Frocabulary – Words to describe hair.
- Fro Eternity – Frizzy hair for life.
- I used to dislike my hair… but it’s growing on me.
- All that glitters is not bald.
- Basic hairdresser training is called root camp.
- Two hairdressers got married. They were a match pomade in heaven.
- Two hairdressers got married after a curlwind romance.
- Hairdressers wake up every morning bright and curly.
- Bald guys in suits – all dressed up and no hair to go.
- You can color your hair anyway you want – the dye’s the limit.
- A hairdresser with a fear of height goes up an elevator. It was a hair-raising.
- Bald Shakespeare daily decision – Toupee or not toupee.
- Hairdresser wisdom : All good things must comb to an end.
- Hairdressers know that any situation can be straightened out!
- I got a bad haircut in Stockholm. Now I understand why they say “Parting is such Swede sorrow”.
- I made a mistake dyeing my hair. It was a terrible blonder.
- My hairdresser’s appointment calendar is always full to the trim.
- Before you get a crazy haircut, you best mullet over it.
- My friend got a crazy perm. I was lost fro words.
- Hairdressers are careful with money, they always shave for a rainy day.
- I got a crazy haircut just for the gel of it.
- When ancient Romans wanted to groom their cats, they used catacombs.
- Working as a hairdresser is great. It comes with fantastic fringe benefits.
- A hairdresser almost got arrested. It was a brush with the law.
- Hairdressers like using electric clippers because it shaves a lot of time.
- I’ve decided I won’t cut my hair any longer. I’m cutting it shorter!
- Just when I thought I was going to dye, my hair started greying.
- Experienced hairdressers always seem to be so shear of themselves.
- The movie about hairdressers had a hairy tale ending.
- The bald man wasn’t happy when he lost his wig because he had toupee for a new one.
- Fussy hairdressers always insist on a trim and proper haircut.
- A hairdresser’s goal is always to be a cut above the rest.
- Lady radio DJs are known to prefer to do their hair in a short wave.
- I’ve tried everything to make my hair curly, but nothing works, I’m so frus-straight-ed!
- Customer to her hairdresser on the phone : “Mind if I comb over now?”
- My boss was having a bad hair day, so she the meeting was cut short.
Q: What did the hairdresser say he was being mugged?
A: I’m too young to dye!
Q: What do you call a cow’s facial hair?
A: A moo-stache.
Q: What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard?
A: Curl Up and Dye.
Q: How do ghosts keep their hair in place?
A: They use scare spray.
Q: Why was the woman’s hair so angry?
A: Because she was always teasing it!
Q: How does and astronaut on the moon cut his hair?
A: Eclipse it!
Q: What kind of hair do you find on the beach?
A: Wavy hair.
Q: What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A: A “glad-he-ate-her”. (ewww… gross but… still funny)
Q: What happened when you use hairspray on your moustache?
A: You get a stiff upper-lip.
Q: Why was the busy hairdresser overweight?
A: She always has a lot on her plait.
Q: What are bald pirates most afraid of?
A: Cap sizes.
Q: What did the police do when 300 hares escaped from the zoo?
A: They combed the area.
Q: What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
A: Artifical Intelligence.
Q: What haircut can people not stop raving about?
A: The buzz cut.
Q: What’s a hairdresser’s favorite sport?
A: Curling.
Q: What do you call Italian cheese with curly hair?
A: Perm-esan.
Q: Where do sheep go to get their wool cut?
A: At the baaaaa-ber shop.
Q: Where do people in Antarctica get a hair cut?
A: The bar-brrrr shop.
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: They use honeycombs.
Q: What do you call a writing tool that does not have hair?
A: A baldpoint pen.
Q: Why was the woman fired from the hot dog stand?
A: She had her hair in a bun.
Q: Why was the hair unruly?
A: They just couldn’t gel.
Q: Why did the man have a rodent on his face?
A: He wanted a mouse-tache.
Q: What did the black dye say to the grey hair?
A: Comb to the dark side.
Q: Why did Harry Potter go bald?
A: He lost his Hedwig!
Q: Why was the hairdresser good at predicting the weather?
A: She feels it in the hair.
- Barber: “And how old are you, young man?”
Boy : “Eight.”
Barber: “And do you want a haircut?”
Bowy: “Well, I certainly didn’t come in for a shave!” - A guy walks into a barbershop.
Barber: “What will it be today?”
Customer: “I want waves on top, faded on one side and just make it all weird and messed up.”
Barber: “Why in the world would you want a haircut like that?”
Customer: “That’s how you cut it last time.” - So many people compliment me about my hair.
Folk : Nice hair!
Me: Thanks… I grew it myself. - Patient: “Doctor, my hair is falling out. Can you give me anything to keep it in?”
Doctor: “Here, use this paper bag!” - It’s great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who’s bald.
- My daughter asked if I could braid her hair, and after a tangled hour, apparently knot.
- Someone said that my hair gel looked like snot. I replied: “No! It’s not!”
- Conan became a hairdresser. He’s know called Conan the Barberarian.
- My hairdresser suggested I put jewelry in my hair. It seems diamonds are a curl’s best friend.
- I stopped dating a hairdresser. We had reached a split end.
- Nobody wanted to work at that salon. They just had too many condition-ers.
- A hairdresser was so rough cutting a customer’s he was charged with hair–
- Sign outside a hair salon: We’ll color your hair or dye trying.
- A bald man put a rabbit on his head because he really wanted a head of hare.
- Many want to be celebrity hairdressers. It’s a good way to get rich quiff.
- When a man with dreadlocks came into a barber shop, the barber said “Hair comes trouble”.
- Girl : “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Mom : “Well, every time you do something you aren’t supposed to and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The girl thought about this revelation for a while
Girl : “Mom, how come all of Grandma’s hairs are white?” - To avoid falling hair, get out of the way.
- When Bach started to grow bald, he wrote ”Hair on the G String”
- After Agent 007 retired, he started a hair salon called “James Blonde”.
- Two guys with afros got stuck at the head. You could say it takes two to tangle.
- Hairdressers are never late for work because they know all the short cuts!
- I tried to join the hair force but I didn’t make the cut.
- When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
- Did you hear about the lady who colored her hair too much? She got dye-abetes.
- A guy cut off all his hair with a pair of scissors just for the shear fun of it.
- Don’t cuss at your hairpiece or you’ll have the devil toupee.
- A bald man left a wig store and went back in 5 minutes later. He forgot toupee.
- Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
- Hairdresser’s motto : I comb, I saw, I conquered.
- Bald people don’t need any keys because they don’t have locks.
- I saw a bunch of rabbits hopping backwards. It was a receding hareline.
- Folk in Jamaica always keep their secrets under dreadlock and key.
- Dear Hair, If you had cooperated in the first place, we wouldn’t have to do this the hard way. Sincerely, Flat Iron
- Hairdressers are know to have good cut instincts.
- If you perm your hair twice in opposite directions, will it come out straight?
- Women say bald men are trustworthy – they have nothing to hide.
- After a mishap at the salon, Jenny needs to come to perms with the fact that she has curly hair now.
- If the Beatles were bald, would their song have been “Hair Comes The Sun”?
- A woman was cutting her husband’s thinning hair when their teenage son came into the kitchen looking for a snack.
She offered him a kiwifruit saying, “It has more vitamin C than an orange.”
Then their son quipped, “And more hair than dad!” - The difference between my son and I is that he would let his hair down, I just take mine off.
- I went to the hairdresser to get my unruly hair to beehive.
- A woman left her husband because he was losing his hair.
He seemed unfazed, saying “I don’t care, it’s hair loss, not mine.” - A retired priest opened a hair salon. He named it “Hairway to Heaven”.
- I told my hairdresser a joke. She dyed laughing.
- Did you hear about the soldier who came back from the war bald?
He lost it all in a hair raid. - An aging woman wanted her last haircut to be a fringe because she wanted to go out with a bang.
- Bald people have the advantage of never being blamed if someone finds a hair in their food.
- My bald friend inherited his mother’s favorite comb. He said he’d never part with it.
- Ever noticed that hairdressers love to talk about other people behind their backs?
- A hairdresser was intoxicated by chemical fumes. To cut a long story short, he dyed.
- A man’s wife didn’t notice her husband going bald. The shine kept blinding her.
- While washing a woman’s hair, the hairdresser realized she forgot to turn off her oven. She told the woman “Wet hair I’ll be right back!”
- Hairdresser to rude customer : “I’m sorry sir, I moustache you to leave.”
- My wavy hair gets offended if you don’t wave back.
- Blondes never die, they just dye away!
